Wednesday, July 25, 2012

What I Ate Wednesday #12 - It's Wednesday Again Already?

It's seriously Wednesday again already... Gasp!
Lots of yummy foods have been consumed in the past 7-8 days.
Some fun things have happened within the past 7-8 days, too.
I'm also that same Insanity addict that I was last week. And the week before.
Aaaand I'm a very happy and content girl, to say the least! 

Now, onto WIAW: fun, food and fitness!! Thank you, Jenn, for hosting this as always! I look forward to seeing everyone's lovely meals every week! (I know I'm a weird 17-year-old!)

Since this month has to do with food, fitness AND fun, I might as well post some things I did in the past week!
7/18/12 - Fun! I didn't post this last Wednesday, but that day, I went to the mall with a friend and got two new tongue barbells (buy one, get one 50% off! Haha), and a green rope bracelet (and I got my mom a matching pink one)! Then my friend gave me a bracelet he got me in Hawaii. And I also received my order from Forever 21! I got all four items for less than $30 total (without shipping)... How awesome is that!? 
7/19/12 - WORKOUT! Insanity Max Interval Sports Training + a 6:27 plank!
7/19/12 - Breakfast: I'm also that same French toast addict that I was last week!
Post-workout "Almond Joy" protein stuffed French toast, with my usual egg white scramble.
7/19/12 - Snack: these. were. so. incredible. And SO healthy for you, too!
*WARNING; These are addicting.
7/20/12 - Breakfast: plain Greek yogurt with milk chocolate protein powder, a few peach/banana/apple slices, cinnamon, granola, and some leftover protein brownie. Alongside is a 1 egg + 1 egg white scramble.
Those protein brownies were just as good, if not better, the day after.
7/21/12 - WORKOUT! I normally don't workout on Saturdays, but I did Insanity Pure Cardio (favorite!) + a 6:02 plank so I could give myself off the following Monday, for my birthday!
7/21/12 - Breakfast: healthy cinnamon "sugar" whole wheat stuffed French toast with banana and apple slices + plain Greek yogurt + natural peanut butter... with my usual side!
7/21/12 - Fun! Saturday was a long, fun day with my mom! I went to Target with her and purchased new floral sneakers ($9!), a gigantic container of strawberries (I think they were $2.37 or something), gum, a mint green watch, two gigantic salad/popcorn bowls for me and my mom, WHITE CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER! (AKA HEAVEN!), and a $30 big brown purse for my mom (just because)!
7/22/12 - WORKOUT! Insanity Max Interval Plyo + a 6:04 plank.
7/22/12 - Breakfast: one of my all-time favorite things ever -- OIAJ! Cinnamon egg white oats cooked with banana and raisins, then layered with granola + cinnamon toast cereal (hehe) + banana and apple slices + plain Greek yogurt + white chocolate peanut butter❤ + cinnamon… And a side of THE ripest strawberries EVER! This was incredibleeeeeee!! (And I only used half the serving of oats, and it was more than enough because of the added egg white and what not... I could barely fit it all in the jar! Haha. So. Good.)
7/22/12 - Fun! I went back to Target (aka the store that will make me go broke!) with my mom, and bought three pairs of jean shorts! (In my defense, I DID need new jean shorts!)
I'm in love with all three pairs.
A better look at this deliciousness!
I posted all about all three of these meals, and all about my birthday fun, here!
7/24/12 - WORKOUT! I was happily surprised with the amount of calories I burned during Insanity... AND my plank! I love my new heart-rate monitor so much!
{Insanity Max Cardio Conditioning + a 6:02 plank!)
7/24/12 - Breakfast: stuffed protein French toast using a cinnamon raisin bagel thin! Stuffed with white chocolate peanut butter<3 + plain Greek yogurt mixed with milk chocolate protein powder + banana, strawberry, and blueberry + cinnamon... with my usual side. Mmmmmmmm!!
7/25/12 - WORKOUT! Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit + a 6:05 plank!
This Insanity is nearly impossible for me to complete without taking small breaks... Even though it's one of the "shorter" ones from the first month!
7/25/12 - Breakfast: a delicious oatmeal "parfait". I thoroughly believe oatmeal is best when eaten out of a mug or jar! I only used half a serving of oats again, because I added in egg whites and what not, and I could barely even fit it all in the giant mug!
Chocolate protein egg white oats with plain Greek yogurt + banana slices + strawberry slices + granola + random cereals + white chocolate peanut butter + cinnamon.
One more look...

Sometimes life happens and I eat things that aren't too good for the body, but are still pretty dang good for the soul.
Life is nothing without balance and moderation!

Happy WIAW everyone!! Have a fabulous day! Make the most of it, and stay positive! 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

My 17th Birthday Recap! (7/23/12)

Yesterday, July 23, 2012, was my 17th birthday! It was one of my best birthdays yet. From start to finish, I had nothing but a stress-free, lovely day.

We had put the black balloon on the mailbox, but it flew away midday. 
I had gotten these two days before my birthday, and I love 'em! I got two general 'happy birthday' balloons, an ice cream sundae balloon because I work at an ice cream shop and it's pretty dang relevant, and a giant smiling doughnut because, well, who DOESN'T love gigantic smiling doughnuts?! 
I woke up around 8:30 am and was rolling around in bed, trying to sleep in, for about 15-20 minutes... Until I finally decided to get up! When I finally did get up, I made my bed and my little sister's bed, and then gave her breakfast! Then, I opened my presents from my wonderful family! 
My mom (and dad) got me white converse, a water bobble, three nail polishes I wanted, A POLAR FT4 HEART-RATE MONITOR!, $30 cash, and a subscription to The Food Network magazine! 
My brother and sister got me a little bin of nail goodies (four nail polishes, nail polish remover, and cotton balls), and a bin of workout goodies (light weights, a resistance band, and workout/lifting gloves)!
I'm so grateful it's not even funny.
I woke up starving (#1 reason I could not stay asleep!) for some reason, so immediately after opening my wonderful gifts, I made me and my mom breakfast!
I had healthy stuffed French toast using cinnamon raisin bread. I stuffed mine with white chocolate peanut butter (aka my new love), plain Greek yogurt, cinnamon, banana slices, and strawberry slices. Then, on the side, was my usual egg white scramble.
... It was incredible.
After eating breakfast, I reorganized and cleaned up some things in my room, and then got dressed and ready for the day! I'm still absolutely in love with this outfit, and I kind of wanna wear it on the first day of school... Haha. 
After getting ready and relaxing for awhile, I cut up some watermelon, and then my cousin came over! Then, I made me, my mom, and my cousin lunch! I had probably my favorite sandwich so far; an everything bagel thin with spinach, grilled chicken, shredded mozzarella cheese, and tomato... All toasted up with butter spray. Incredibly flavorful, healthy, and delicious. (I had my usual steamed fresh vegetables with plain Greek yogurt + ranch powder alongside!)
After eating lunch, I opened my presents from my aunt and cousins! They got me two gorgeous bracelets from Francesca's (in Christmas... or watermelon... colors! AND in me and my mom's birthstone colors, all unintentionally... Such weird coincidences! Haha), a beautiful white scarf, two nail polishes, two a lip gloss, perfume/body sprays, and $30 cash!
Again, I am so grateful.
After opening my other presents, me and my cousin head out for a bit. We dropped off her phone charger with her 'boyfriend' person (I have absolutely no idea what to call him or refer to him as, haha), went back to her house, picked up her puppy, and then went to PetCo to get his nails clipped. Then, she dropped me off home, and then she went to work.
When I got home, I decided I wanted Chinese for dinner, so my mom ordered our dinner, I had a few mini pieces of grilled chicken (I was oddly craving it!), and then I painted my nails while waiting for it to come!
{These pictures do not do this color justice, but it's one of my absolute favorites now! "Gargantuan Green Grape" by O.P.I!}
My cousin wanted me to wait for her to get off of work to eat dinner. So, I waited until 6:00 pm, but to hold me over, I had some amazing broccoli (along with about one carrot and one super mini slice of chicken, haha) from an extra Chinese order to hold me over.
Then, when she came back... I pigged out! Hehe. I happily ordered exactly what I wanted, which was a pint of vegetable fried rice, boneless spare ribs, and an egg roll. (And I also had a mini piece of chicken from my cousin's dish since she wanted me to try it... and I wanted to, too. Haha.) I happily ate every bite without any stressin' or regrettin', and I couldn't be more proud of myself.
After stuffing our faces, we head out to get ice cream with my little sister! (Well, first we got gas, and then we head there!) We went to Cold Stone Creamery, which is approximately 30 minutes or so there, and then the same back depending on traffic. I got my whole family ice cream, and then ordered myself a medium peanut butter with Twix pieces, white chocolate chips, and hot fudge. I ate it when she dropped me and my little sister off at home (she had to go back to work), and even a little melt-y, it was literally one of the best things to ever enter my body. 
This was all a big F U to whatever disorder decided to enter my life!

Even though I felt stuffed for hours after eating dinner and dessert, I still had my usual nighttime snack with my mom because I wanted it that bad, haha. I had some popcorn mixed with a little bit of Chex Mix, and some apple and plum slices! (Oh, and I also had a few cubes of watermelon, haha.)

I went to bed feeling a bit nauseous from all the food, but it was worth it! Besides the fact it was super sunny and beautiful out... which it rarely is ever on my birthday... I had one of my best birthdays thus far, and I couldn't be more grateful or appreciative. I'm also so, incredibly proud of myself for allowing myself to eat what I wanted, even without exercise. I needed a day like this... It made me feel like myself again.

I woke up today (July 24, 2012) feeling body-positive, happy, and motivated. I'm definitely incorporating days like this into my life way more often!

I'm happy.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

A Realization

Good morning lovelies! I hope you all are having a lovely day thus far!  I've had a great morning so far, and the weather is making me happy! (Plus, tomorrow is my birthday!!)

But, on to the point of this blog post! I've been hesitant to post this... But, after reading a few posts on Tessa's blog a few days ago, I came to realize something. Not a necessarily good something, though. 

... I have an exercise addiction.

Now, that might not seem like a "bad" thing necessarily, but it basically goes hand-in-hand with why orthorexia is a bad thing. {This post, written by Tessa, basically explains it all.} An addiction is an addiction. Nothing good ever comes out of an addiction. A habit, yes, but when it becomes something too routine-y, and you find yourself thinking about it nonstop, it's not a "good" thing anymore.
I do love exercise for it's benefits, trust me! And I most definitely do love it for the post-workout high and the slight confidence boost it gives me... But those are definitely not the only reasons I always exercise. Burning excessive calories, counting calories... They also go hand-in-hand. I know I mentally do "force" myself to exercise 5 days a week (at least) to burn calories to earn more food and to earn more calories. I seem to mentally make deals with myself- "if I do this workout, I can have this for breakfast/lunch/dinner." "Oh, you didn't exercise today? You have to eat less, and do SOME sort of activity. Even a plank counts!" I know when I don't exercise, I try to restrict some.

A big part of intuitive eating is exercising because I physically and mentally want to. Not to burn calories necessarily. Not because you feel forced. Not because you feel like you're gonna gain 75 pounds if you don't exercise 5 days a week at least. In fact, here's one of the principles exactly:
9. Exercise--Feel the Difference. Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.

I wish I could say I do HIIT 5 days a week only because I love it. I mean, I do love it, and I do look forward to doing it 85% of the time... But I will confess, I do sometimes only do it to burn excess calories to "earn" more food for the day.

Do I eat enough in a day? I don't know. To be honest, most of my days consist of the same types of food. I have calories memorized for almost every single thing I eat sadly, so I could round up no problem. But, if I look up how many calories I should be consuming with the amount of exercise I do, I probably don't meet the amount. (Okay, I definitely don't meet the amount all the time.) Because of my restrictive past, if I eat 2000+ calories a day to compensate the amount of exercise I do (and to maintain my weight), I would definitely gain weight because my body is sort of used to lower amounts. But, I wouldn't mind gaining weight if it was all muscle.
5 lbs of fat vs 5 lbs of muscle
I find myself consistently trying to plan things. Whether it'd be my next workout, my next meal, or my next snack... It makes it hard to listen to my body. I've also faced some "fear foods" in the past few months, but I feel like the only reason I could do it, is because of my exercise. (Like Tessa said in her post.)

And I'm sick of it all. I want to feel normal again! Perhaps I am getting there, considering I have been working on changing up meals, eating more, and counting less calories. But, I'm getting impatient now because I feel like I give in too easily to this disordered mindset. How come everyone else can exercise only a few times a week, while still living their life without compromising, and not gain ten pounds? How come everyone else can skip one extra day of exercise and not feel like a balloon? It won't kill them, so why would it kill me? How come everyone else can easily listen to their body, and feed it that extra cookie if it wants it, without feeling guilty? If everyone else can do this stuff, why can't I? How come I feel overwhelmed and panic-y, and like I'm gonna break down if I can't get my workout in for the day (again, at least 5 days a week)? How come everyone else can eat every 1-2 hours depending on how they feel, but if I eat anything within 3 hours of my previous meal, I have to restrict later on?
Sometimes I feel like I need to be forced, by someone other than myself, to do things right and healthy. Sometimes I let myself slip up and count calories or worry about what I eat or how many calories I burn, and then tell myself "next time I won't allow myself to do that." It's a cycle that I can no longer have going on in my life. This has to be the end of rationalizing the food I eat with the amount of exercise I do- or don't do. It's time to start listening to my body... For real. I'm not losing myself to this disease. I'm sick of planning, and I'm sick of worrying! It's time to start new.

P.S. I thoroughly do love Insanity, regardless of things said in this post. It's something I enjoy doing, whether it'd be an "easier" video, or a harder video!
P.P.S. I had a bigger, more (healthy) fat and protein packed breakfast (on Friday, when I first wrote this post), even though I didn't workout, and as soon as I started to count the calories... I stopped myself
P.P.S. I haven't counted calories in almost three full days! I even ate more yesterday, and I really liked my body this morning! Progress!